among other things...
Working as a full-time student and employee has its advantages. Apparently, you are planting seeds wherever you go in hopes that one day, when you have the education, you need to begin really stretching your wings, that you've made strong, lasting connections with people who can help you reach your goals.
If you had asked me where I saw myself headed in 2010-2012, I would likely have given you a morbid answer. I didn't see myself going anywhere aside from the grave. My eating disorder held me back. After months and months of treatment and therapy, I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Granted, I wanted to reach the light, like, NOW. But in the scheme of things, there was no fast forward button through the healing process. And here was definitely not a rewind button to push to erase what I had done.
As I headed back to school, I honestly felt so behind - like a late bloomer who had lost all her spunky and creativity to medication and emotional exhaustion. I was alive; yes. But inside I still felt so far from where my peers were at, and it was all due to the choices I made my Senior year in high school. I had held myself back. I was the reason I wasn't on par with my friends, or where I wanted to be. I wasn't living up to my perfectionist ideals, I felt. Yet, wasn't that the very thing that tried to kill me?
While I never kicked my perfectionist tendencies completely to the curb (there is some good that comes from needing to do your best), I now know that there is a fine line between what is appropriate and what is unhealthy. So, believe me when I say this: never in the last 6 years did I think that I would be here today - a 2017 WKU graduate making her dreams come true.
I might not be where I want to be just yet, but I'm confident that God has me where I need to be. He always has, since I was little, placed a love of History and writing on my heart. Now, I am finally starting to be able to see where He is leading me. This time, I'm not going to get in His way. //