It doesn't pay to be a perfectionist

July 28, 2011

If I were to try and be spiritual and all philosophical on you right now, you'd probably think I've lost my mind. As of right now, I can't think of anything to tell you that you haven't already heard, someone has said better, or that I have learned recently.

However, one thing does come to mind, now that I think about it. I went to my Chiropractor/Kinesiologist this morning for an adjustment. Not just the cracking of the bones, the manipulating of the tendons, and the stretching of some seriously sore muscles, but an emotional adjustment as well. You might remember-probably not-the trials I was facing back in the spring of '10. Well, since that time, a lot of things have changed. I have changed. My whole perspective has changed, which isn't all the great considering I am dealing with some major issues still {qualifying me for a) a trip to the loony bin, or b) seeing a counselor}.

Yeah, that's how badly those issues that happened in the spring of '10 affected me.

I chose instead to go see my Kinesiologist. Quite amazingly, he has been a God-send! Praise Jesus. Anyway, this morning I mentioned a few things that had been bugging me this week. We (my Kinesiologistand I) went through those issues in a somewhat voodooism manner (you'd have to be there to believe it with your eyes....).

I mentioned that I was feeling pretty dumpy this week. Irritable actually. I was so close to clawing someone's eyes out...that's how crummy I was feeling. Not a feeling I like to have and not one I usually let affect me. But this was a different kind of feeling. It wasn't one of those, "Satin is messing with your mind and you're letting him make you feel this way" kind of deal. It was, I believe, God using my lousy week to bring to light some emotional struggles. Struggled that I have stuffed into the back of my memory bank for too long. Some of this goes way back to when I was five years old.

Pretty amazing how sensitive and impressionable we are at such a young age, huh? Little ones have such a different perspective that adults, even teens, for that matter. They get hurt so easily, especially when you are a naturally hyper-sensitive girl like me.

Anywho...the subjects for today were 1) feeling a loss of control (which is natural for teens to feel, by the way :D), 2) pressure to be great in school and my everyday life, 3) being intimidated by math (seriously, I am afraid of know, like some people are afraid of the dark. Yeah, I know), and 4) that I have, knowingly, a perfectionist complex.

And the latter brings me to the reason for this post:

My Kinesiologist, who is also my chiropractor (hope no one was too confused on that), spoke to me rather seriously on the matter of my perfectionist complex. He said that, while I try to attain this unattainable level of perfection, I am never going to get there. He explained it in a way that made a lot of sense to me, but I am not sure I'll be able to explain it quiet as effectively, though. Worth a shot, I guess.

Basically he said this: "For most of us, being able to accomplish something to the best of our abilities is enough to satisfy. Doing a good job for most people is all they every strive to do, and it's OK with them. They feel no pressure to do any better, be any better. They are content with what they've accomplished in the present...and if there's more work to be done, they'll pick it up tomorrow. They're not going to kick themselves because they didn't finish what they'd set out to do.
    "Sometimes other things take president in our lives and have to come first. The stuff that we'd started out doing can come later. It'll still be there. You must learn to prioritize and set goals for yourself. You're not Wonder Woman. However, I know that for someone like you [me], you feel like you have to keep pushing. Striving for perfection. But the truth is, you're going nowhere.
    "Visualize a  stretch of road in front of you. The first half of that road takes a good amount of effort to walk. But as you try and walk close to the end, the energy you had at the first stretch is becoming harder and harder to find within yourself. And soon, trying to reach the end of that road, which never seems to really end, becomes impossible. You've exhausted all avenues of attainable energy and are not any closer to reaching perfection than when you were when you started out. By trying to achieve perfection, you have mentally and physically drained yourself."

I think sometimes it takes an outsider to tell you what it is you need to hear, but don't want to hear. While I have this compulsive behavior to be a perfectionist, I am going to make it my goal this week to ease up on the reins and just let life come to me. My motto for the week: "Whatever happens, happens. And if it isn't clean, don't worry about it." Of course, I'd still pick it up, but I wouldn't worry about it being spotless. Life is too short for that, right? YEP, SURE IS.

And I am not going to miss out on it just because I am stressing over the tiny details. It's too much work and doesn't allow me to enjoy the imperfect blessings God has given me. Nothing is perfect except God, and I can always count on Him to do that job for me. :D

State of MInd

It's been a while....

Well, I am still on vacation, in a sense, but I wanted to drop in and see how you all were getting a long without me. The past two weeks have been spiritually grueling. And to those of you who replied to my FB post, thanks. 

Anyhow, I thought I'd post something encouraging for you all today. It's a poem that I have grown very fond of these two weeks. This poem made me realize that a battle is won not  won merely on brains and brawn (although those do help. ;)). A battle is won by the person who is determined to win. That person may not be incredulously smart or strong or brave or fast or organized or outgoing. It might be that the only thing going for that person is that he had the determination and faith needed to win a battle, whereas the others do not. This week I am going to try to be this person...the one who wins the battle because he thinks he can, and because he knows he can.

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't!
If you'd like to win, but you think you can't,
It's almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost;
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will;
It's all in the state of mind!

If you think you're outclassed, you are;
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself
Before you'll ever win the prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the person who thinks he can! 

"[...] but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."-Isaiah 40:31

Winged heart

July 23, 2011

"Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day
of loving." ~ Kahlil Gibran

Lavender Fields

July 16, 2011

Imagine expansive fields of wild lavender all neatly uniformed in rows. In the sun there exuberant color is radiant and cheerful. Sweet scent floats through the air, carried by the wind, past our noses, to delightfully tingle the senses and ignite our impulsive, overactive imagination. A flower is a flower, but when it comes to Lavender, the flower is only the beginning, for it is the smell that floats wistfully from those pretty buoyant, blooms that make the Lavender what it is. There's no comparison to it's lackadaisical bliss and peaceful serenity.
Their bushy stalks and dainty, frilly flower stems tussle about-some stand perfectly erect, while others droop and sway to their own tune. Never is a single sprig of Lavender the same. Each one is different, but still as lovely to look at as the last. These Lavender bushes do not stop to think about their appearance. They're not arrogant or conceited because they know they're beautiful. Instead, they are assured and at peace with their design and purpose, which is to be an earthy art form of elegance. After all, they were created that way. What is there to think about when one is already designed to fulfill a purpose that was long ago predestined by God? No second guessing on their part. They just know. It's their natural, untainted, innocent beauty that makes them lovable and delightfully springy.
How graceful and poised they seem, all alone in the fields. Alone, but content. Content and pleased with how they look, knowing full well that the Maker of the Stars is well pleased with their design. They have no wish to be like the Lillie's of the Valley or Queen Ann's Lace or the bright red Poppies that grow aimlessly in untamed fields. There is no comparison to a sprig of Lavender, especially one that is not ashamed of being purple in color or smelling sweet and exotic; not ashamed to be fuzzy, sprightly, easily tousled, or have green leaves; and doesn't even mind being large and full, dreamy and refreshing. They can't help but be the very thing they were created to be, and do the very thing they were created to do.
 They are fully satisfied to be exactly what they are and are not ashamed to ooze from their inner  core, the very exuberance that makes them vibrant and irresistible. They have no fear, only empowerment and security in knowing they are pleasing to God and bring amazement and tranquility to those looking for inspiration, rest, and tranquility. 
It's as if these wispy sprigs of Lavender know exactly how to exhaust the name of their Creator. It's as if, with every bow they make, every twist they take, and the springy fragrance they release, they are shouting to the mountains a song of humility, grace and praise:
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them" (Psalm 139:14-16).
Were these Lavender bushes mortal, in the sense that they were human, these praises would be muted by the lack of self-appreciation and acceptance. Where has confidence gone? It has slowly dissipated with the new-age of thinking-that everyone should be thin, unequally matched in beauty and have the visage of flawless perfection. If you're anything but 'perfect' you have no self-worth. Basically, you were just left over from caverns of God's creativity.
What would have happened had God decided He'd run out of ideas and with whatever was left, He merely jumbled together to create Lavender? Would it be as satisfying to our noses? Or as interestingly and astonishingly gorgeous to our eyes? All that really doesn't seem to matter to them, does it? They have no clue what goes on in the world around them. They're not competing for America's Next Top Model or Ms. America. They're not worried about who will be getting the most attention, or primping to cover up their flaws. They are contented with being themselves. 
God never once threw you together because he lacked the imagination and creativity to make you as unique as the stars in the sky. His caverns are filled to the brim, if not bursting over, with inspiration. If God had no more to give or had He lost the interest to create, then all of man kind would come to an end and babies would cease to be born. If the Lavender have faith in things they cannot see, and can trust with all their stemmed hearts that they were created to perfection by their Holy Father, then so should we.
And this they are certain of-that God looks at our hearts. He looks at our hearts more so than our outer appearance because there, within our soul, is what truly matters; because in out heart, there is where you will find true beauty.

Listening to: Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney 
Line Obsession: "Sunnyside is a place of ruin and despair, ruled by an evil bear who smells of strawberries!"-Toy Story 3 (2010)
*Don't claim to own any photos. credit. momento

July 11, 2011

Ah, I miss being on here. I miss you guys, too. But, I am only back for a short period of time; then I shall disappear again (for a little while longer). Anyhow, I got to thinking lately that maybe it would be fun to include you in my fictional world. I've noticed that a lot of bloggers like to write and some have even written full scale novels. Well, I am working on a few novel projects myself and would love impute and some constructive criticism now and then.
Okay, so I have finished chapter one of my novel (which I will title: Skin Deep for the lack of a better title) finished. The story revolves around a girl [Debby Alston] in her late teens who is having to deal with a lot of emotional problems that have become relevant in her life. She's had a bumpy start in life. Early childhood was a tough time for Debby who was a social outcast. No one liked her. At the age of 12 she developed severe allergies to food and some intolerance to beef, dairy, and gluten. This made her life appear to be more of a struggle. She was never going to get a break. So it seems. Then, because of her being tired of always being in pain and never being able to eat normally-living on only chicken, rice, and cereal for the past 4 years-she went to the extremes to ease her pain.
She became Bulimic. 
Now she's struggling to break the vicious cycle that has become her life. She's caged in an eating disorder and can't break free. At least not on her own. She needs help and visits several doctors. Debby realizes that her issues lie deeper than stomach pains and food allergies. As if peeling back the layers of an onion, the brick wall Debby had been hiding behind came crumbling down and her emotions are exposed. She can no longer hide her feelings. Debby goes to an very unique Doctor that begins helping her with these issues and progress begins to show. She's still purges, though. 
Unfortunately, until Debby realizes that she needs to rely on God and cast her cares upon His shoulders, she will never experience the freedom, internal peace, or healing she's longing for. As of yet, Debby as still to realize that God is standing by her side waiting to help her through the storm. All she has to do is allow Him to take the wheel.
That was like the most basic synopsis I could conjure up on the Johnny-Spot. Hehe! But, I figured I'd give you a preliminary backdrop to the story of life of Debby Alston, before actually having an Idea of what the novel was about.
If you're interested, here's the first few lines of Chapter One: 
Debby sat on her bed holding tight to a patchwork pillow as she chewed on the end of her pen and watched the clouds slowly creep by her bedroom window. She looked at the clouds hoping to catch a ray of inspirationally descriptive material to jot down into her journal of pent-up frustrations, sensitive feelings, aspirations, intriguing theologies, and whimsical dreams.

Up, up and away!

July 2, 2011

Listening to: Crazy Dreams-Patsy Cline
Cool word: Hemidemisemiquaver

I'm taking off. Flying away to a hideaway where I can relax. A place of refuge, tranquility and zen.

I need a break badly from blogger.

Although have so many thoughts and words swarming in my head, I'm feeling bogged down and stressed about my inability to clearly transform these thoughts into words, and these words into vivacious sentences.

So to fill the time I spend blogging for you all, I think a nice cup of cold, sweet Iced Tea is in order.

While I'm at it, I think I'll accompany that Iced Tea with a few moments of evening solitude outside getting personal with the Lord, journaling down my revelations and inspirations, and listening to the whimsical chirping of the Tree Frogs in the creek.

Until I reappear my dearest lovelies, I bid you all a sweet adieu.

Focusing on H2O

July 1, 2011

Listening to: In The Sweet By And By-Jordan Layne Bourland 
Cool word: Ailurophile
Water, or H2O, is said to be the most abundant compound on Earth's surface and "is the only common substance found naturally in all three common states of matter and it is essential for all life on Earth." (Wikipedia).

From the time we were in kindergarten, we knew the basic function of water. We knew the basic names: aqua, H2O.  H2O is an essential means for sustaining life.  It covers 70.78 percent of the Earth; while land only covers 29.22 percent. That 70.78 percent of water is, in fact, salt water, which means that there is about 2 percent drinkable water. But that 2 percent is crucial.

We’re not only what we eat, but also what we drink.  According to Dr. F. Batmanghelidj, “Your muscles that move your body are 75% water; your blood that transports nutrients is 82% water; your lungs that provide your oxygen are 90% water; your brain that is the control center of your body is 76% water; even your bones are 25% water.”

Water is a major source for life. All that exists on the face of this Earth is dependent on one substance, water. H2O. While our physical body is dependent on H2O, we are dependent on God-the Living Water-spiritually.  

Coincidental or not, the Bible references Jesus ‘at the well’ more than once. One of the major parables involving a ‘well’ happens to be a touching story involving a Samaritan woman. While the story of the Samaritan woman is gripping, heart-warming, and reassuring, the story about the paralyzed man by the well serves a purpose for this post tonight. 

Jesus is our spiritual H2O that promises to quench our greatest thirst. This is exactly what He told the paralyzed man at the well (John 5: 1-8).  In John 5 Jesus was on His way to a special feast. It is likely that Jesus was surrounded by bold colors, fragrant perfumes, good food, vendors, and shoppers while on His way to the feast. There were a variety of things that could have caught His attention. Instead of a colorful shawl, a tasty leg of lamb, or a refined perfume, Jesus chose to focus His attention on a paralytic man at Bethesda.
The Healing at the Pool
Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed.  One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”
“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”
Jesus didn’t hesitate. He walked over to the paralytic man just like He did with the Samaritan woman, out of love and concern. Jesus walks straight to us as well. Jesus can see us in midst of our needs and just walk straight to us without hesitation! 

Like the paralytic man at the well, we sometimes become so focused on the water’s surface (doing things in our own power) that we don’t even notice Jesus standing next to us or waiting for us. So often are we focused on our own problems that we fail to notice the King of kings standing right next to us waiting to meet our needs. We get so busy looking to other sources for answers that we forget to notice Jesus is the ANSWER!

Know it: God wants you so tuned into Him that when He needs your attention, He automatically has it. 

Read it: 2 Chronicles 16:9; Lamentations 3:22-26; John 5:1-8